Thesith Williams stared blankly across the street, his vacant look masking the turmoil inside him as he tried to sort out the events of the past few days -- those of having met a stripper named Jolene, Jolene Schmengi actually, who, as it turned out was into S&M and as a side business, raising marsupials -- the events mostly a blur as his mind worked feverishly to assemble them into some coherent structure -- much like a carpenter who is on a deadline to finish the frame of a house by the end of the day, but left his hammer at home six hours away in Duluth and is using the bricks nearby to pound nails, all the while hoping that he can finish before the bricklayer arrives and gives him a good ass whooping -- which brought him back to Jolene.
The town was called Duck Duck Goose, the founding fathers trying to piggyback on the success of Truth Or Consequences, New Mexico. Somehow, it never worked out and they were mostly the butt of jokes from neighboring towns. However over 20 years had passed since the town's formation and residents were used to the ribbing and in some ways proud of their name, in much the same way that parents are proud of a child's acting abilities even though that child only got to play the part of a tree in the school production of Swan Lake.
Thesith was a diminutive person being only 3 feet and 1 inch tall. He never let his height (or lack of it) affect his life negatively. He had become an accomplished Pro Bowler winning numerous bowling tournaments and was also well known in the adult film industry (his stage name was Stiffy Borborygmus) - two of his passions in life. He was now working on mixing these two into a joint career, much like one would mix blueberries into pancake batter, and although he was not too fond of blueberries, he liked the metaphor and blueberries mixed with pancake batter considerably better than pickled okra which he really liked, but not in pancakes.
Thesith had arrived in town on the bus around 3 in the afternoon. It was nearly 5 now and he had been sitting on the bench for almost two hours wondering how he was going to get his life back in order - or even figure out what happened.
Jolene worked at a dive strip club off one of the Interstates. Truckers would frequent the place. That is where she met Thesith. Her reaction was the same as most people when they encounter someone only three feet tall - ignore and hope he goes away. Of course, he was actually three feet and one inch tall as he made a point of pointing out, quite pointedly. That one inch was important to him which was quite understandable. He didn't want to get shortchanged 1/36th of what little height he had.
Her second reaction was one of recognition. She was a big fan of Pro Bowling and adult films and they instantly hit it off.
Thesith had a mystery to unravel regarding the last few days. He remembered Jolene's beautiful face. While he was a small person, she definitely was not and that is what he liked so much about her. He could clearly see her face, in all its glory and with all its chins. This brought back an old joke about how she had more chins than a Chinese phonebook. He suddenly laughed out loud in a half cackle, half nasal chortle which had become his trademark in the film industry. A split second later, he realized that might not be politically correct and stifled his laugh. Then the thought of him censoring his own thoughts made him burst out laughing once again. The second time he stifled himself once again as he noticed about 6 people staring at him and his outburst.
Gathering his thoughts, he set out to figure out his present predicament. He was wearing paisley spandex tights. True, he wore lots of spandex, but never paisley. These were obviously not his. Inspection of his knapsack revealed the following: two packs of gum (he didn't chew gum), a pack of clove cigarettes (he did smoke these and they appeared to be his), three bars of soap from a Holiday Inn (which he didn't remember staying at), a bottle of Damnitol joke stress relief pills / candy and a condom (thankfully still in the package and unused).
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Revenge of Thesith Copyright 2005 The Force Productions